


Stab Wound

by sugarandspace



Series: Whumptober 2019 [8]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Episode: s03e08 A Heart of Darkness, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Nightmares, Stabbing, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 10:54:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20965364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarandspace/pseuds/sugarandspace
Summary: “If you love me, do it.”Isabelle loved Jace so much, had quickly accepted him as a part of their family when he had first moved in. There wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do for him, and she was forced to consider how far she would go.





	Stab Wound

**Author's Note:**

> IMPORTANT!
> 
> I didn't know how to tag this (suggestions are welcome) but this fic focuses on the scene in 3x08 where Jace asks Izzy to kill him. In this fic, Izzy has nightmares about actually going through with it.

Being the youngest of the three, Isabelle had learnt from a young age that she could always count on her big brothers. They were a team of three, but there was a loss of balance between who looked out for who.

It wasn’t like Isabelle needed looking after any more than her brothers did, but when she did need help or advice, she went to them. Partly because she didn’t really have any other options - their parents weren’t exactly the type to have heart-to-heart conversations with nor did she have friends she could trust - but she could always count on her big brothers. Letting them help came naturally. 

The case was different with Alec and Jace. They wanted the world to see them as indestructible and strong, and it was rare that they would show weakness, even to Isabelle.

So to see her brother so vulnerable, begging and pleading for help, tears in his eyes and desperation in his voice - a part of Isabelle had wanted to help. When Jace had given the knife to her and held her hands to the hilt while the blade pointed towards his chest, her denial hadn’t been as quick and sure as Alec’s was. 

“If you love me, do it.”

Isabelle loved Jace so much, had quickly accepted him as a part of their family when he had first moved in. There wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do for him, and she was forced to consider how far she would go. 

“Do it. I’m begging you, please.”

It wasn’t like Jace to beg, it was probably the first time Isabelle had heard him do so, and his words had made her hesitate. What if they weren’t able to release him of Lilith’s hold? What if Jace would be held captive until he died?

Isabelle had looked at Alec then, hoping his brother would tell her what she should do.

“Izzy no,” Alec had said. He had looked worried, genuinely terrified that Isabelle would do as Jace asked. It had helped Isabelle see past her emotions, focus back on the task they had. Three go in, three come out. They had to help Jace, and this wasn’t helping.

She had looked at Jace and then the knife, the weight of what Jace was asking from her hitting her full force.

“Do it.”

She had said no, and she had dropped the knife.

But in her dreams, the knife doesn’t clatter to the ground. She doesn’t hear the relief in Alec’s breathing and she doesn’t see the disappointment in Jace’s eyes. In her dreams, the knife sinks in, both his brothers scream in unison and Isabelle’s hands get coated in hot blood.

She only wanted to help. 

When she wakes up she feels sick, her hands shake, and the shame and guilt threaten to drown her. It happens every night but the strength of those feelings doesn’t fade. The weight of what she did feels too heavy to carry on her own, but there’s no one she can go to.

She should talk to Jace but he’s going through so much already. They lost Clary, and there’s no doubt in Isabelle’s mind that what Jace did under the control of the Owl still haunts him. She doesn’t feel like she has the right to complain about bad dreams.

Alec is healing from an arrow he took to the chest, and he’s spending most of his time with Magnus. Magnus who sacrificed so much to save Jace. It doesn’t feel right for her to steal Alec’s attention away from him. 

She can’t even talk to Clary, the first real friend she’d found since life put too much distance between her and Aline.

So Isabelle gets out of bed, makes a mental promise not to be so weak anymore, and she trains. She doesn't sleep as much as she needs to, and she uses stamina runes more than she should, but when she's working, she doesn't hear the screams or feel the blood on her hands.

It's not a lasting solution, but for now, she manages.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me from [tumblr](https://sugarandspace.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/sugarandspace_)!


End file.
